New stories published in Elite Daily and Image Curve

A friend recently asked me why I had stopped writing because he hadn’t seen any updates on this site. “I’ve actually been quite busy,” I told him, “but I haven’t been publishing on my own page.”

So, here’s an update: I’ve published a few pieces on Elite Daily and Image Curve. Find my Elite Daily archives here and my Image Curve archives here (or click “The Human Comedy” tab on my site; I’ve listed my Image Curve collection there).

The Image Curve work is a series of short narrative fiction that I am publishing on a weekly basis. Each week, I identify a moment or situation in everyday life and create a brief fictional narrative from it. They’re all five-minute-or-less reads. My goal is to write one every week for a year, then publish them as a collection.

Some favorites from both sites:

Timeline of Tears: How Volunteering at Ground Zero on the 9/11 Anniversary Change Me” on Elite Daily

The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: Why Pointing Fingers is Perpetuating the Violence” on Elite Daily

Robin Williams Night” / “Missing Mohammed” / “Small Change” in “The Human Comedy” series on Image Curve

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

“What experiences in your life have given you hope?”

That’s the question my aunt asked me to discuss at our Passover Seder (the ceremonial meal that commemorates the Jews’ Exodus from Egypt). This was what I said (with a few new edits):

My aunt asked me to talk about experiences in my life that have given me hope. It’s interesting because she asked at a time when I wasn’t feeling too hopeful about the state of the world and where we may be headed. Every day presents us with signs of all the things we’re doing wrong as a species: The climate is warming, the seas are rising, and planes are disappearing. Population growth, wealth inequality and resource consumption are through the roof. A recent study (which may or may not have been supported/funded by NASA) says civilization may be headed for collapse.

It’s not very hopeful stuff. And yet, it is very REAL stuff in that the issues facing Earth and humanity today call for action in the Here and Now … and that action can be hard to find.

And yet: Hope. My aunt asked for experiences that give me hope.

I stood in the park the other day. It was Spring, and I was not surrounded, but IMMERSED in people from every zip code on the planet … and no one was beating the crap out of each other! I realized that, for all the conflict we see in the news, most of the time, we have learned to coexist peacefully.

That gives me hope.

On TV, across social media – and, by golly, in high-definition Real Life – I see countless examples of people coming together in unprecedented ways to bring about a better future.  The good in the world is EVERYWHERE!

My aunt asked me to describe a struggle to change something that worked, and what I learned from it. I have witnessed and continue to witness so many struggles to change things – some have worked, and some have not. What I have learned is that changing things in the hope of making them better isn’t a struggle – it’s a choice. We have to choose, over and over, to use our hope to propel us forward.

As Longfellow wrote: “Not enjoyment, and not sorrow, is our destined end or way.
But to act, that each tomorrow, find us farther than today.”

It is that spirit of action that led the Jews out of bondage so many years ago. As Margaret Mead said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” 

Happy Passover everybody. L’chaim.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Sent my novel to an agent today …

While driving one day in May or June of 2007, I got the silly idea of writing a novel. Today, I sent the result of that idea to an agent for the first time.

They say it’s about the journey, not the destination … and what a journey this has been. The book took me in a train across the U.S., it took me to an elementary school classroom and a seven-story nightclub in Madrid, and it took me to a bar in New York City. It forced me to confront things about myself and about Life. It brought me so much.

And it taught me so much. When I started, I had no idea how to write a novel. The longest thing I’d ever written was a research paper in high school. I knew where the story would start, but I had no clue how or where it would end; it didn’t write itself, but in many ways, it did tell itself.

From the beginning, I told myself and others that I was writing this because it was something I needed to do. Whatever the outcome from here, I stand by that. No project has ever been more important to me, and I feel tremendously blessed that I have had the time to write down the things I all along wanted to say. Moving forward, the book will undergo changes and edits galore, but it’s at a point now that honors the vision I had for it seven long and short years ago.

Here’s to the journey. Here’s to Life.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

On the year anniversary of my return from Europe

Last night (Oct. 1, 2013), I realized that I’ve officially been home from Europe for one year. Numerous times in the recent weeks and months, I’ve thought to myself — “On this day one year ago, I was at the Running of the Bulls … a Spanish Christmas dinner … a friend’s bar celebrating the European soccer championship … a 19-euros-a-night Tuscan villa … Terezin concentration camp … sunrise at Montmartre … sunset in Santorini.” One year and two days ago (Sept. 30, 2012), on the eve of my return home, a Czech seagull pooped on my head.

Vienna, Austria — 8/28/12

Looking back, there have been things I didn’t expect — struggling to find work, moving to New York with $250 to my name, becoming a bartender, volunteering at the World Trade Center on 9/11, living at my aunt’s apartment five-sevenths of every week. There have been things I did expect — the U.S. government proving once again the old adage that the opposite of progress is Congress, the awesomeness of Breaking Bad, and the reality that this would be, and continues to be, the most uncertain time in my life to date.

I do at times miss Spain. I miss my friends there, and the way of life, and the independence I had. I miss being able to go out on Friday and Saturday nights because my current 9-5 is from p.m. to a.m. I miss my dog, Shadow, and the house where I used to live.

Shadow

All in all, though, this has been one heck of an año.

Being away, I had forgotten how nice it is to be close to your family. While being out of the country for two years provides you with incredible experiences and mind-opening encounters, one of the drawbacks is that you don’t get to spend as much time with the people who have been there all along. I have truly relished the opportunity to be — to be with my parents, and my sister, and my aunts and uncles and new baby cousins. Tuesday night tapas dinners in Madrid were amazing; Tuesday afternoon lunches with my grandmother will stay with me even longer. Holiday traditions, reunions with old friends, the simple pleasure of being able to call people I care about for less than $25 per minute.

New friends, too — some really good ones. A few great ones. It’s been interesting to see how we build and continue relationships even as our lives move in very separate directions. I can’t tell you how many awesome people I’ve met over the past few years — people who shared their stories, their dances, their beers, their hearts. I can now tell you, however, how many people are indispensable in my life, because that is a much smaller number. The story of every person’s earthly existence involves major characters, minor characters, extras, and a whole slew of people behind the scenes. This year has given me insight into who fits where.

It’s not like I’ve stopped adventuring, either. I was able to re-visit Madrid, and Chapel Hill. I journeyed to Ocean City, MD, Monticello, NY, and Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I’ve ridden the Staten Island Ferry, attended the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, toured the United States Constitution Center, rocked karaoke at a Spanish wedding, and etched my name in Sharpie on the interior walls of the new One World Trade Center. (Don’t worry, I had police permission.)

There have been plenty of ups and plenty of downs, bursts of inspiration and bouts of self-doubt. That’s normal. Life is less like a forward march and more like a salsa dance — a few steps ahead, a few backwards, and a lot of spinning around to the music.

The real question for me now is: Where will I be a year from today?

There’s a certain manuscript of mine that’s been, oh, six-and-a-half years in the making. It’s close to done. That work was the major impetus for my move to Spain (other than the flamenco dancers), and it is one of the primary reasons why this year has been difficult at times. It is extremely tough, when you’ve been working on something for so long, to draw close to the finish line without projecting into the future. In other words, it’s hard to know that you’re close to completing a book without being scared to death about whether it’ll be published, if people will like it, and if it’ll be what you wanted it to be when, one day in May 2007, you were driving back to the house where your family no longer lives, and you had an idea and thought, “I’m going to write a book about that!” That day — during the summer in which I was living and working in New York for the first time, in between my sophomore and junior years at UNC — seems so long ago now. And yet, that day is every day of my life.

Years are ideas — they don’t really exist. We give our memories a timeline because it helps us write our lives’ narratives in an orderly fashion. One night this year, when I was at dinner with my father in Monticello, he described how his mother and father took him there, to the Catskill Mountains, when he was a boy. As we dined in the only decent restaurant in town, he recalled those days, when the Catskills thrived, and he told me his mother’s stories of when she was younger and the Catskills were the Las Vegas of the East Coast. I tried to spit out this idea that, in that moment which he and I were sharing — that somehow, in that space, the Catskills were all they had ever been, all they ever would be. That his mother, who I never met, was there, and that my phantom descendants, should they ever come to be, were there as well. That all time was a single moment.

I couldn’t find the words to adequately explain it then, I can’t find them now, and I doubt I ever will. Perhaps this is the closest I’ll get: As I write to you, I do it now. And when you read these words — tomorrow, 10 years from now, 100 years from now, you will still be reading them now. Not that people will be reading this blog in 2113 — hardly anybody reads it in 2013 — but you get the point: It was now when I had the idea for my book, now when I wrote the first page, now when I discovered the ending, and it will be now on the day that I send it off into the world to be what it will be, to whoever it will be.

This post began as a Facebook status; I certainly didn’t see it getting this philosophical, or this many miles off-topic. But, as this collection of time that we call the past year has taught me, sometimes, things go as you expect … and other times, a Czech seagull poops on your head.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Taxi Tao

When was the last time a taxi driver asked you, “How was your trip?”

Before this morning, I’m not sure if it had ever happened to me. I initiate at least nine out of 10 conversations that I have with cabbies, and today, to be honest, I didn’t feel like having one. I had my headphones on, and I was surprised when the driver asked about my journey — in an accent I couldn’t place — and wanted to know how long it usually takes to get home to Philadelphia from New York. We spoke for a moment, and then I went back to my music.

When we stopped at a red light, he said something to the cab next to us, and when we started driving, he said, “I told him that I’ve been driving a taxi since before he was born, and he said, ‘You’re still driving?’ I told him I’ve got no choice — I have two kids in college. When my kids finish college, then the American Dream will be complete, and maybe I can stop driving.”

Off came the headphones.

My best guess is that his name was spelled Habte; he pronounced it “Hop to!” And you might say he was a “Hop to!” kind of guy. Born in what is now the eastern African country of Eritrea, he moved to the U.S. in 1971. His first job was washing dishes — “I didn’t even know what a dishwasher was!” — and my gut tells me he worked a number of other jobs before moving into the mobile yellow office that became his career.

He must have been at least 60, and probably older, with milk chocolate skin and a few curls of white hair. Round glasses, warm smile. He said he has one kid at Neumann University, another at Drexel.

I asked him about Eritrea. He told me it’s a Pennsylvania-sized country with a Philadelphia-sized population, bordered by Ethiopia and Sudan … which means I could almost visualize it on a map.

“I go home to visit friends and family almost every year,” he said.

“Is it a stable government?”

“It is Ok. We are Ok, my friend.” He turned off of Market Street and headed south. “The thing with America is, people don’t realize how good we have it. When I go home to Eritrea, every single person over 20 has a gun, because there is always the threat of war. But there are no shootings. In Eritrea, if you kill someone, and they catch you, you will be hanging outside the courthouse in two weeks.” He showed me the newspaper that was lying on the front passenger’s seat. “Look at these shootings here!”

“A few years ago I took my boys to Eritrea so they could appreciate what they have here,” he said. “They saw kids playing soccer barefoot, and they asked me, ‘Where are their shoes?’ It took me a week to explain to them what poor was!

“If you ever have kids, take them to Africa, my friend. Even when I go home, it is humbling. What I make here in one day — and I call it a bad day — there, it’s the minister’s salary. So I tell myself not to compare. Cross Lombard?”

“Yeah — one more block.”

“I work 10 or 11 hours a day, seven days a week,” he said.

“Wow. That’s a lot of work.”

“I have no choice, my friend. I have two kids in college.”

I was so enjoying the discussion — a discussion I was initially reluctant to have — that we almost passed my house.

“It is nice talking to you,” he said while helping me with my bag. “You made my day.”

Likewise, my friend. You asked, “How was your trip?” And the trip was you.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Brave New World: The Facebook Generation

For my generation — specifically, those of us born in the late 1980s — the world has grown smaller as we’ve grown bigger. Our maturity has been matched almost step-by-step by the maturity of digital technology. One could argue that no generation has ever seen the world change so much, from a communications standpoint, as The Facebook Generation.

When we were born, computers were the New Kids on the Block. My family had an old-school, black-and-white Mac that ran the MS-DOS operating system and would seem as primitive as cave drawings to today’s iMiracles. During our adolescence, cell phones were larger than infants and came in briefcases. My family had in-house portable phones — how cool it was not to need a cord! — and my dad wore a beeper. We had VCRs for our movies, Walkman players for our music, and the original Gameboy, SEGA and Nintendo systems for our video games.

It all changed, at least as I recall it, with Microsoft Windows and a little thing called America Online. We would come home from middle school and rush to listen to the clicks and screeches of our dial-up modems (listen), facing the world for the first time as digital representations of ourselves; my first “screen name” was Jr24BigMac (inspired by Ken Griffey, Jr. and Mark McGuire).

Around the same time — seventh and eighth grade — our parents started reluctantly giving my friends and I our first cell phones. They were the old-school Nokias, the highlight of which was the Snake video game. (Recently, I heard of a parent who bought her seven-year-old a BlackBerry. When I was seven, those still grew on vines.)

When Apple came out with the iPod, we realized we were headed far away from Kansas. My dad’s entire record collection, which previously occupied a wall of our house, could now be easily compressed into something that fit in a pocket. Since then, the technology has only gotten crazier, and people have more or less become fused to their machines. It will not surprise me one bit when they start fitting babies with USB ports.

Nothing, though, hit my generation like Facebook. It re-wrote everything. (You could argue this point — in terms of worldwide impact — in favor of the Internet, or Google, or Twitter. For the college graduating classes of about 2008-2010, though, Facebook takes the e-cake.)

I first heard about Facebook from a girl named Jenna during my senior year of high school. She had graduated the year before and was a freshman at the University of Maryland. I was talking to her under my second AOL Instant Messenger alias — DedSxy30. (Inspired by Austin Powers, I employed it primarily because I thought girls would like it.) She told me about this new thing called Facebook that only people in college could have because you needed a college email address to join the network. Rest assured, I registered on Facebook almost the minute I received my official @email.unc.edu address.

Those were the Wild West days of Facebook, when it was normal to friend people you’d never met. I had a whole group of ‘friends’ before I arrived at school, and it was nothing strange to see each other at a fraternity party and be like, “Hey — I know you from Facebook!” Back then, you had one profile photo. One. And a wall, groups and interests. That was pretty much it. The news feed consisted of up-coming birthdays. If you wanted to share pictures, you used Webshots or something similar. MySpace was still a thing.

Then they let high school kids join the party. Then people in professional networks. Then moms, dads, grandparents, babies and dogs. They added unlimited photo upload capacity, Facebook Chat, apps, ads, and all the bells and whistles that you see today.

The world will never be the same.

Imagine: In 10-15 years, the way people communicated, shared their experiences, and interacted with the world and each other changed so much that to the outside observer it would seem nothing short of science fiction.

For people my age, those 10-15 years were the ones that marked our journey into adulthood. We are irrevocably linked to these developments, which matched our development. One day, we were in grade school, learning to hand-write and address letters to pen pals, practicing typing on desktop computers the size of buses. The next day, we were preparing for life in the so-called “Real World,” writing 25 emails and 50 text messages a day from our phones, which never left our sight.

Is this for the better?

It seems that the more in-grained we become in our social media, the less social we actually are. Take it from the guy whose friends once created the virtual group “Sam Rosenthal’s Obsession with Facebook is Disturbing.” It is now totally common to sit in a room with five young people — all of them on their Smartphones, computers and tablets, none of them saying a word to each other.

These networks may sap our net worth; there’s something about broadcasting yourself to the world as a series of images and words that, as we become more connected to our machines, increasingly disconnects us from each other — and ourselves. It is almost as if there are multiple versions of us — who we are in life, and who we are online. What scares me is that every day that passes, the latter seems more and more like the reality that matters to us.

There are two terrific articles that delve into the specifics of just how new-age technology is changing us. Neither is short — gasp! — but both are well worth reading.

One, a recent piece by Matt Labash in The Weekly Standard, describes “The Twidiocracy: The decline of Western civilization, 140 characters at a time.”

“I hate the way Twitter turns people into brand managers, their brands being themselves,” Labash writes. He adds: “A technology that incentivizes its status-conscious, attention-starved users to yearn for ever more followers and retweets, Twitter causes Twidiots to ask one fundamental question at all times: ‘How am I doing?’ … Even the most independent spirit becomes a needy member of the bleating herd.”

Most of what he writes about Twitter applies to Facebook and the rest of social media, which are quickly becoming the filter through which we view real-life experiences — and, as I see it, a separation from those experiences. Every time you take a photo of something, or make a status update or a Tweet, you remove yourself from the present moment. The impulse is to capture the moment, rather than participate in it.

Labash describes attending a speech given by Luminate’s Chas Edwards, who cited the statistic that “10 percent of all the photos ever taken have been snapped in the last 12 months.”

“As Chas speaks,” Labash writes, “most of the room is looking down into their iAbysses, thumb-pistoning away. He observes that ‘only 10 percent of you are actually consuming me. What I’m hoping is that the other 90 percent of you are online enjoying more fully this experience and tweeting it.’”

In the article, Labash describes attending a panel entitled “Are Social Media Making Us Sick?” And although the social media gurus say, “No,” — giving the author “the feel of tobacco company ‘scientists’ telling us smoking increases lung capacity” — most of the new-age crowd answers, “Yes.”

“And never mind,” he writes, “a Michigan State study that found excessive media use/media multitasking can lead to symptoms associated with depression and anxiety. An Oxford University scientist said Facebook and Twitter are leading to narcissism and an “identity crisis” in users … A Chicago University study found that tweeting can be more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol … German university researchers found one out of three people who visited Facebook felt more dissatisfied with their lives afterwards, owing to feelings of envy and insecurity.”

Heck: “A recent survey by Boost Mobile found 16-25-year-olds so addicted that 31 percent of respondents admitted to servicing their social accounts while ‘on the toilet.’ And a Retrevo study found that 11 percent of those under age 25 allow themselves to be interrupted by ‘an electronic message during sex.'”

In his 2008 article “Is Google Making Us Stupid? What the Internet is doing to our brains,” The Atlantic’s Nicholas Carr takes a broad look at how the Internet Age is re-wiring the way we think. He describes how he and his colleagues can no longer read long texts like they used to, and he feels it is because the multi-tasking, multi-channel realities of today’s media landscape fragment our attention and prevent us from concentrating or contemplating the way we previously could.

Carr’s article focuses less on social media, but it poses incredibly important questions about the direction in which we’re headed. He looks at the mission of Google’s founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, who “speak frequently of their desire to turn their search engine into an artificial intelligence, a HAL-like machine that might be connected directly to our brains. … In a 2004 interview with Newsweek, Brin said, ‘Certainly if you had all the world’s information directly attached to your brain, or an artificial brain that was smarter than your brain, you’d be better off.’”

This idea scares Carr: “It suggests a belief that intelligence is the output of a mechanical process, a series of discrete steps that can be isolated, measured, and optimized. In Google’s world, the world we enter when we go online, there’s little place for the fuzziness of contemplation. Ambiguity is not an opening for insight but a bug to be fixed. The human brain is just an outdated computer that needs a faster processor and a bigger hard drive.”

“Maybe,” he writes, “I’m just a worrywart. Just as there’s a tendency to glorify technological progress, there’s a countertendency to expect the worst of every new tool or machine.” He cites Socrates’ aversion to the written word, and Squarciafico’s to the printed one, as evidence of the fears of new technology. Although these fears often come to fruition, he notes that “the doomsayers were unable to imagine the myriad blessings” that the new technologies created.

Maybe I’m just a worrywart, too, but the motor of the digital world concerns me about the future of the real one. Social media may be making us sick, and they’re definitely not making us happy. Facebook and Twitter deal in compulsion, not happiness. We log on seeking approval, seeking a sense of self portrayed online. It is a virtual world, and as such it cannot provide more than virtual experiences. Once you’re logged in to a social site, your brain operates unconsciously. You browse, and click, and post, unaware of why you’re browsing or clicking or posting because it’s all on impulse.

I feel like Carr’s theory about our brains being re-wired is correct. If I walk down the street, not 20 seconds pass before some alarm goes off in my head: “Check email!” or “Any new Facebook notifications?” or “Who’s that text from?” The more we use our technology, the more we’re programmed to use it.

Last summer, I spent eight days at the home of some family friends in rural Sweden. No Facebook, no email, no internet. I meditated, wrote for hours, cooked, had real conversations with my friends, and engaged with nature. My mind was at ease.

On the train ride from Sweden to Denmark, I caved and purchased a half hour of internet access. For that half hour, my brain entered Online Mode — one with the machine, completely out of touch with everything going on around me. There I was, hurtling through the Swedish countryside on a glorious morning, and all I could do was get stuck in my Bermuda’s Triangle of Facebook, email and fantasy baseball.

When my internet cut out after the half hour, I slunk back from my computer, my head pounding. “What just happened to me?” I thought. After a week without that feeling — a week without connecting my brain to that unconscious current — I became acutely aware of the empty, compulsive addiction brought on by the Net.

It wasn’t always like this. I was young, but I remember a time before people became virtual representations of themselves. My generation — the Facebook Generation — may be the last of its kind. Today’s kids have no concept of a world without user names. From the moment you’re born, now, you’ve been Facebooked, Instagrammed, Tweeted and Vined. You’ve been ‘liked’ and ‘followed’ so much, you’d think you’d won something. What have we won? More importantly: What have we lost?

Like Nicholas Carr, I, too, see danger in the dreams of Google’s founders. Syncing the human brain to artificial intelligence may provide us with unlimited mental resources, but at what cost? If we are being wired by our machines to think more like them, we risk losing the ability to think and be like humans. If we are constantly projecting ourselves, via social media, at what point do we forget that our Facebook profiles are not who we are? At what point does the digitally-projected self — the “personal brand” — become more important than the complex, ambiguous phenomenon that is the human being? At what point do we become permanently severed from the present moment?

And can you please ‘like’ this article on Facebook?

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Death of a Sportswriter (A Tribute to Stan Isaacs)

I knew Stan Isaacs, the grandfather, long before I knew Stan Isaacs, the sportswriter. His grandson, David, was my best childhood friend. Growing up, I practically lived at Dave’s house, with his mother and his father and his sister Laura and his dog Hershey. As such, I was usually around when his grandparents visited.

Still, a number of years passed before I had an inkling what Stan did for a living. I was young, and I assumed that anyone over 60 had no time or purpose in life for being anything other than a grandparent. Dave and Laura certainly never mentioned that their grandpa was a big-time sportswriter — they weren’t nearly as into sports as I was. Once, when Stan brought Dave into the Mets’ dugout and introduced him to then-manager Dallas Green. Green asked Dave if he wanted an autograph, and not having any idea why he’d want one, Dave replied, “No thanks.”

Though I practically killed Dave when he told me that story the first time, Laura said her grandfather had been proud. Stan didn’t see why someone would covet an athlete’s signature, either. He saw athletes not as gods, but as people — a novel idea today as much as it was then.

I hope Stan would forgive me for attaching sentimental value to his autograph. He inscribed it in a book he gave me — his “Ten Moments That Shook the Sports World.” He wanted me to read it while I was honing my sportswriting skills at UNC. He used to email me his columns, and I would ask him questions. The book was an even better lesson on sportswriting — and the history of sports, of which Stan played more than a minor part.

Something that always struck me about Stan’s work was how much it differed from today’s typical sports journalism fare. Under the current paradigm, most times that we read a sports story, we’ve already watched the game on TV, seen the highlights 10 times, read 15 in-game tweets, and heard it analyzed by talking heads ad nauseam. In Stan’s day, a sportswriter’s words had to tell the whole story. Reading Stan’s writing is like being at a baseball game — it is not always fast-paced and exciting, but there is beauty in the details. Stan told you what color each team wore, which way the wind was blowing, who was still hung over from the team party the night before, and how the players’ wives responded to the rowdy crowd. He told it straight-faced, with an occasional wry wink. He wrote to inform, and to give his readers a sense of the event. His words revealed that which was whimsical and hidden, the elements of the sports world that usually go unnoticed.

Stan’s family knew him in a far different way than his readers did. All three of Stan’s children were girls, and none would be an early pick in gym-class kickball. They and their spouses and children knew him not as a scribe but as a patriarch, and it pleases me to think that they all may now have occasion to revisit his work and gain some new perspective on the man they called “Dad” and “Grandpa.”

As fate would have it, I was futon-crashing at Laura’s Manhattan apartment when  she learned that Stan had passed. I have been present while she has read some of the other memorials written during the past few days, and I have watched her come to see her grandfather in a new light. “I never knew so many people still remembered him,” she said. She forwarded me a Grantland article about him, and a column by Keith Olbermann, who credits Stan with writing the article in 1981 that launched his career on television. I recommend reading both, and Newsday’s tribute by Mark Herrmann, which Dave posted to his Facebook.

One thing about writers is that they hang around even after they’re gone, and I’m thrilled that by reading his work and what others have written, my friends will always be able to spend time with their grandfather.

I’m glad I’ll get to spend time with him as well. It took me a long time to appreciate what Stan meant to sportswriting. Once, while reading Jane Leavy’s biography of Sandy Koufax, Stan’s name appeared, and I called Dave and Laura’s mother and said, “Nancy, your father’s mentioned in this book I’m reading!” Her lack of surprise made me realize that Stan was a big deal. There are so many writers — I should know — and it’s easy to be overlooked.

But Stan was different: His relationship with Olbermann began when he penned a column about Olbermann keeping track of which professional athlete held the record for saying the most “you knows” during press conferences. Stan’s column went by the running title “Out of Left Field,” and his topics came from way past the fence. He wrote during a revolutionary age in sports news and was one of the pioneering forces behind it. Most sportswriters of his day wanted to be in on the glory — Stan wanted to be in on the joke. His writing has little in common with that of the modern sportswriter, and yet his “Chipmunk” style and critical regard for athletes and coaches has influenced so many who may never know it. When I read his book, I was amazed at the magnitude of the events he’d covered: the Munich Olympics, the Miracle Mets, the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World,” the Jets upsetting the Colts, Ali-Frazier. Stan was there for all of that, and he brought his readers there with him.

When Bobbie, Stan’s beloved wife of 58 years, died last year, it had already been a long time since I’d seen or written him. Based on the reports his family gave me, Bobbie’s passing was a blow from which he never fully recovered. His health and spirits sank, and his last months were unfortunately not happy ones. I dare say he would have wanted things to end differently, but we don’t usually get to choose how we walk off the field.

We don’t get to choose how we say goodbye, either. A few weeks ago, I wanted to write Stan. I wanted to tell him I was sorry about his wife, and that I hoped he was alright. I wanted to, but I didn’t. Laura said she wishes she’d been able to visit him one last time, and I’m sure some of his other family members do as well. As long as people have family members, and as long as those family members pass away, people will wish they’d said this or done that, forgiven X or apologized for Y, and that their final parting left nothing incomplete.

The funny thing is, Stan’s departure reminds me of his columns: Often, they didn’t end neatly and tidily, but abruptly, as if Stan decided he’d hit his word limit and called it a day.

I didn’t get to say goodbye to Stan Isaacs — the sportswriter, the grandfather, the father, the husband, the mentor. But I do get to emulate his style in a farewell column, and his family gets to read it.

I suppose that’s not so bad.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Coincidence? I think not.

I want to tell you a couple stories. 

They begin and end with a man named Morris Lewis Walker. Private First Class Morris Lewis Walker. “Mo.”

Mo was one of the best friends I ever had. I use the word “was” because Mo died, in 2009, fighting in Afghanistan. An Improvised Explosive Device (IED) detonated underneath his unit’s vehicle, killing Mo and one of his fellow soldiers.

It is nearly impossible for me to put into words the effect Mo’s passing had on my friends and myself. I’ll spare you the platitudes that people usually heap on the dead, especially the young dead. We loved Mo because he was real — as real as they come. He saw right through you and on special occasions allowed you to see right through him, and this duality was magnetic. People like that leave, as Longfellow once wrote, “footprints on the sands of time.” Their actions and influence can be felt long after their passing.

Mo and I in New Jersey, summer 2008.

I don’t think that Mo’s gone. Not entirely, at any rate.

To preface this: I consider myself a highly rational person. When it comes to religious beliefs and all things supernatural, I trend toward the highly skeptical. I usually follow the Descartesian/agnostic approach of: If it can’t be proven by reason, you can’t trust it.

But.

Certain things have happened during my life that have made me question exactly how much of the Universe we humans can actually understand with our oh-so-incredible reason. They don’t all have to do with Mo, but in the interests of preserving this post’s thematic unity, I’ll relate the ones that do.

After college, I had planned on waiting tables, saving some money and traveling instead of immediately entering the professional world. A major reason I chose this was to give myself a solid chance of completing the novel that I had conceived during school. When Mo died, he changed not only the narrative of my novel, but that of my life as well.

To save for my travels, I had moved home from North Carolina after graduation. Mo’s funeral brought me back for a weekend. While I was there, I visited my friend Chetan at his house. He had some people over, one of whom was our mutual friend Heather. I told her my travel ideas — which were just that: ideas — and she said, “You should do my program in Spain!” She told me that if I spoke some Spanish, had a college degree, and was a native English speaker, I could get a student visa to teach English in Spain.

And, as all … three? … of my regular readers are aware, that’s exactly what I did. As my friend Katie likes to say, “It’s all Mo’s fault.”

Fast forward to Spain. St. Patrick’s Day. Madrid might as well have been Dublin. We couldn’t squeeze into any of the Irish pubs, so we strayed from our normal watering holes. After much prodding, a promoter convinced us to visit this bar called Star Studio. She showed us both floors of the packed bar/club, and we settled by the bar upstairs. Eventually, I got bored and split off with this guy named Magic (not making this up) to head back downstairs. Then I lost Magic, and, being my always-reserved self, started dancing in the middle of a group of Americans.

When I started to head back upstairs, I accidentally bumped a Spanish guy — bumped him good. He wheeled around with a sort of, “Dude? Really?” expression on his face. I could have ignored him. Could have told him to get over it. Could have told him worse. Could have said, “Sorry,” and moved on. But for some reason, I didn’t. For some reason, I threw my arm around him, apologized, and we started talking.

Then he told me his friend was from the States. “Ed,” he said, “come here!”

“Where you from, man?” Ed asked me.

“Philly. How bout you?”

“North Carolina.”

“No way, Bro! I went to Chapel Hill!”

“Sweet, man,” he said. Or something like that.

“What part of Carolina are you from?” I asked him.

“Fayetteville.”

I started to get a little curious. Nothing crazy, though. This guy looked younger than me. I doubted he would’ve known him. “I know Fayette-nam quite well,” I told him. “One of my best friends was from there.”

“Oh yeah man? Who?”

“Mo Walker.”

Ed’s face went white. It was as if, at the mention of Mo’s name, the whole bar had faded into some parallel, background universe. “Dude,” he said, “I went to high school with Mo Walker.”

He was one year younger than Mo. And here we were, in Madrid, talking about him. I tried to wrap my head around the odds of it: Mo’s high school had something like 30 people per class. That meant that only about 200 people could say they went to high school with him. And somehow, in a city an ocean away, I had bumped into not only one of those 200 people, but one who knew my friend well. And we only met because St. Patrick’s Day had forced us to go to a different bar, and because I had stopped to talk to a guy I bumped. If any of those circumstances hadn’t transpired, it wouldn’t have happened.

But it did. And it made me think.

Leaving Spain after two years was unbelievably difficult. I was happy there, and I could’ve stayed longer. For the first time in a long while, I was faced with a decision that didn’t feel right, no matter which way I went. I didn’t think it was wise to stay because I didn’t see myself progressing professionally in Spain, but by no means was I sure I was ready to come home.

I got home in October. I did some freelance writing and video work, and I applied to a bunch of different jobs, but nothing stuck. My bank account dwindled to amounts that would make the U.S. Treasury seem rich, and I spent my time between my mother’s place in New Jersey and my father’s in Philadelphia. I was eating a lot, sleeping a lot, and not feeling great about myself a lot. People didn’t make things any better when they asked me, “Why’d you come back from Spain?” I told them that my big, old, rational brain had thought it was a good idea at the time.

I knew that I needed a change. In one of those “Now I think of this?” moments, I remembered that my aunt had a place in New York City at which she only stayed a couple nights a week. I called her and asked if I could stay there sometimes while looking for work. She agreed, and I decided to seek employment as a server/bartender until I could find something that would make my degree useful as something more than a wall decoration.

Never mind the fact that my mom thought it was a terrible idea, and that I felt extremely uncertain; I was rather used to feeling uncertain by that point. I had to do something. So I came up last Friday with five days’ worth of clothes and 25 resumes. I started from my aunt’s place at 85th Street and walked down Amsterdam Avenue, then doubled back. Resume No. 24 was the lucky one — literally a block from my aunt’s, a new place called Hey Mambo offered me a gig.

And do you remember my friend Katie? The one who liked to say, “It’s all Mo’s fault?” Well, she happens to live in New York now. Is a bar manager at this place called Pranna. Has become one of my good friends. And told me to stop by her bar with Resume No. 25. Her boss liked me enough to train me as a bartender, even though I lacked the experience that Pranna would usually require. Seeing as Katie and I wouldn’t even know each other were it not for Mo, you could definitely say it was all his fault.

All this brings me to the really weird part. You see, yesterday was my first bartender training shift. I started off shaky, but after a few hours, I began to feel more comfortable. I was even allowed to start serving some guests. One guy gave me his card, and I noticed that he had a very Spanish first and last name, and that he was interested in the UEFA Champions League soccer matches.

“Do you have a favorite club?” I asked him.

“Real Madrid,” he said.

Just when I started to tell him that I had lived the past two years in Madrid, a woman cut us off. She was there to meet him, and she greeted him in distinct Madrileño Spanish. After she sat down and I poured her a glass of cabernet, the three of us began talking about Spain. I told them about my teaching program, and how difficult it had been to come home.

Then I heard the girl talking about UNC. “You know UNC?” I asked her.

“I went to UNC!” she said.

“Really? Me too.”

She squinted at me. “I know you!”

I did not think she knew me. “How?”

“Do you know Heather? And Chetan?”

My jaw hit the bar. Heather was the person who told me about the Spain program. Chetan was my friend at whose house Heather told me about the Spain program, and he was the friend who I convinced to join me in Spain after my first year there. “Chetan’s in Madrid right now!” I told her. “And Heather is the reason I went there in the first place!”

“I know,” she said, “I was at Chetan’s house that night. I remembered you before, but I wasn’t sure. Then when you said UNC, I knew it was you. You were at Chetan’s house because one of your buddies passed away.”

This time, my face turned white, and the whole bar faded into some parallel, background universe.

Again — what were the odds of this? In a city as big as New York, during my first shift bartending, I met the guy who was meeting the girl who was there the night I decided to move to Spain. In North Carolina, where I was because of Mo’s funeral. What were the odds that they sat at the bar at that precise hour? That she recognized me and remembered how we met?

The famous psychologist Carl Jung described these sorts of coincidences, referring to them as “synchronicities.” He thought that they might indicate an order of universal organization known as “unus mundus” — “one world” — based on the idea of a collective or universal consciousness that causes certain things to happen in certain ways. A wise friend of mine believes that synchronicities are the Universe’s way of telling us something. And I’m beginning to agree with him.

I believe that Mo had something to do with me meeting those people at the bar last night. I believe he had something to do with me going to Spain. I believe that he has guided me, through synchronous events, since his death. And I am not usually one to believe such things.

But I do. When I left the bar last night, it marked the first time since my departure from Spain that I felt as if I was on the right track again. It felt as if Mo — or perhaps the Universe — was telling me that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Because that’s what synchronicities make you feel — a palpable sense of being exactly where you’re meant to be, in precisely that moment. For the first time, I didn’t feel like leaving Spain or moving to New York were mistakes. I didn’t feel like the “unus mundus” and I were at odds anymore.

And it was all Mo’s fault.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Twenty-six Candles and a Touch of Gray

I have gray hairs.

White ones, actually. Long, shiny, out of place — when I pull them out, it seems they’re made of some different material than the rest of my follicle dwellers. There aren’t many; most people either never notice or never mention them. But I catch one in the mirror every once in a while, chuckle to myself, and think, “That didn’t use to be there!”

I don’t mind, really. Eventually, life marching as it does, I know that the White Hair Army — the White Stripes, if you will — is going to slowly but surely gain territory on my head. The Receding Hair Corps may launch it’s own assault. Maybe I’ll dye my hair someday, or try Just For Men, or Rogaine. Maybe I’ll sculpt the most awesome white mohawk the world has ever known. You never know.

Today, I turn 26. A friend of mine just asked me, “How does it feel to be over the quarter-century mark?”

“Feels good,” I told him. Not that it feels different than 25, or 19, or 11. The way I think about birthdays may have changed, and maybe I notice some things that are different about myself now than they used to be — a few white fibers up top, for instance — but those things are circumstancial. Life is Life. “Twenty-six” is an idea, a number ascribed to people who have been alive for a certain amount of time, a number complete with social expectations of what that person might be like. Does ascribing that number 26 to myself change who I am? Am I any different than I was yesterday because the 25 became a 26?

What about if I turn 30? Or 60? Or 90? Do I change, or does the number?  

So many people dread birthdays, especially as they age. They harbor this fear that having a new number attached to their identities will somehow make them worse than they were before, that the turning of age itself will change their lives in a tangible way. Perhaps it’s because our society glorifies the young and shies away from the old. Perhaps it’s because we fear Death.

We all know deep down that we will get older. That our hair will go gray. That at some point, our youth and health will fail us. That we won’t be here forever.

But those are not things to fear! Those things are contingent aspects of Life. We start aging from the moment we’re born. To fear that is to fear the natural order of things.

Every birthday is something to celebrate. The numbers merely serve to give us perspective. Like mile markers on a highway, all they do is tell us how far we’ve been; they do not change the road. What matters much more than the numbers is taking the time to appreciate that you’re still here. Still kickin‘ — even if you can’t kick like you used to.

I have known a number of people whose highways were, based on the average, very short. They stopped at Mile Seven. Mile 13. Mile 20. Mile 22. Mile 23.

Knowing that, how can I ever be upset about a birthday? From my perspective, it is a blessing to have passed the Quarter Century Exit on the winding road that is my life. It is a blessing to be able to discover gray hairs on my head. If they all fall out someday, it will be a blessing to be here for that, too.

I’m thrilled to be 26. Here’s to 27!

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Day 36: Everyday People

The more I travel, the more I discover not how different we are, but how similar.

Today I traveled from Florence to Pompeii, and at my Pompeii hostel the owner immediately brought me to the dining courtyard near the swimming pool. He sat me at a table with my pot-luck roommates, one girl from Canada and another from China. What commenced was an hour-and-a-half-long conversation about the governments in our respective countries, democracy vs. communism vs. socialism, health care systems, and a host of other issues of social import. At some point I will probably delve into the conversation in detail, particularly what the girl from China told me, and write something more specific. She paints a portrait of her country that is quite distinct from what most Americans probably believe — from what I believed, for sure.

Later, I started speaking to the people at the table next to us, a family from Barcelona, Spain. They were in favor of Catalán nationalism, which is quite the controversial subject in Spain. We enjoyed an engaging conversation not solely about their desires for Cataluña, but also about the way Spanish society functions — the good and the bad.

These discussions shared a common pathway: All over the world, people see the need for change. The systems currently in place may accomplish some of the things they should, but the masses see major flaws in the machinery. Most people feel that their countries could and should function better.

For me, the greatest issue is that we do not learn from each other nearly enough.

Isn’t it about time we started looking to each other for help? Think of how much knowledge we, the human beings on this planet, could share if we tried. One of the most interesting things the Chinese girl told me was that Facebook and Twitter aren’t allowed in her country, but everyone and their mother uses the Chinese equivalents. Many people use foreign IP addresses to access forbidden news. She described how there had been a protest somewhere, and the local government initially used force to detain people, but through social media, the citizens of the country rallied and pressured the local government enough to back down.

The world is changing. Technology has finally reached a point that communication between continents is as easy as, and sometimes easier than, communication between next-door neighbors. This technology can spread world-changing ideas in moments that used to need centuries to circulate. It also, of course, can spread the news of Snooki’s pregnancy just as quickly.

There is power in this world for positive change to a degree that we have not fathomed. That power resides in the people of this planet who are willing to come together, to work together for that change. Yes, these are broad terms, but broad is exactly what we need — participation and cooperation on the broadest human scale. There is so much we have to learn from each other. Our systems of government, education, health care, security, economics, agriculture, industry — heck, even that dreaded “R” word, “religion” — can and should all benefit from a global dialogue founded on one simple question:

How can we make this better?

And on one simple principle:

Keep It Movin.

It’s something my late college RA, Keith Shawn Smith, used to say. It took me a while to decide what it meant to me, and after a while it manifested as a call to action. A duty. Understand each other. Strive for progress. Make the world better, together.

Keep It Movin.

 

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Always Amigos

(versión española aquí)

We stop at a metal gate that fences off acres of Spanish pastureland. Across the dirt road, the giant Telefonica satellite dishes serve as the only reminders of civilization.

“Esto es,” Alberto says. “This is the place.”

Marta and María’s country house is something from another time. Imagine a mid-1800s Spanish ranch like you see in the movies. I don’t have to imagine; I’m on set. Vine trellises and 15 flower pots adorn the porch. The house has muted maroon walls with sky blue paint outlining the windows and the main doorway, which features an Andalucian-style painting of the Virgin of the Macarena. They have a Virgin and a Saint for just about everything here — even “The Macarena.” Álvaro, Marta’s boyfriend and one of my best friends, tells me that the family’s land extends for a 30-minute-walk’s radius from the house. María and her boyfriend, Ismael, are out riding horses. The cows will return from grazing in an hour or so. Our friend David’s dog, Conan, greets us on the porch.

Walking inside, a blast of heat hits me. Forget your modern American grilling apparatus: They’re burning freshly-hewn wooden logs in an antique oven. Heaps of different kinds of meat cover the kitchen counters. Eugenio, the ranch steward who looks like someone out of a Depression-era photograph, is helping David with the fire. The actual cooking won’t commence until the logs have been reduced to embers.

In the meantime, I break out my baseball gloves and teach the Spaniards a bit of my national pastime. It’s almost the Fourth of July, after all. We cover basic throwing and catching techniques, which Álvaro picks up quickly. Our buddy Choches … not so much. You can’t shot-put a baseball. Neither can you swallow one, although Conan the Canine Barbarian is trying his hardest. We literally need a crowbar to pry the ball from his jaws. Of all the days to leave my crowbar at home.

After baseball, Álvaro pours me my first cup of sangría. Homemade. In a punch bowl. With loads of real fruit.

“He añadido ron,” he says, which roughly means: “I spiked the punch.”

Over the course of the evening, we will drain the sangría bowl three times. And then they’ll break out the hard stuff.

Back from horseback riding, María gives me a tour of the house. It’s actually modern, but her mother shrouded it in antiquity.  María shows me the 1800s clothes irons, cow bells, bed heaters and water jugs her mother collected over decades to create the effect. She also shows me her mother’s paintings, most of which feature the family’s bulls. María informs me that, much more than serving as the mere antagonists of bullfights, bulls on a ranch like this serve a vital purpose: reproduction. This, of course, prompts me to ask her if they play Barry White or Marvin Gaye to get the bulls in the mood.

Evening falls, and Marta and María’s cousin and friends arrive. David declares the fire ready, and the barbecue commences. He and Álvaro kick everyone out of the kitchen, and we move to the picturesque back porch that looks out on the pasture. The roof beams, according to María, come from an old palace in Toledo. I tell her that my house’s roof beams probably come from Ikea. We draw the huge cloth curtains to block the wind, and everyone grabs a drink and a seat. Conversation, laughter and smiles.

Soon, the first plate of food comes out. Chorizo sausage and pancetta, which is a fattier version of bacon, if you can imagine such a thing. Not exactly a kosher first dish … but wow, what flavor! Next come bun-less hamburgers, sausages, another cut of pig I’ve never tasted before, chicken wings, Spanish omelette with chorizo, and a Spanish lasagna. Sides of artisan bread and the best olives you can find. Everyone ignores the salad. 

More conversation, laughter and smiles. I swear, the Spanish have created an art form out of genuine smalltalk. Not a cellphone in sight. Who needs Facebook when you’ve got sangría? We talk about everything and nothing, which are really one and the same, when you think about it. I’m the only non-Spaniard here, but they treat me like family, teasing me mercilessly for my language gaffes.

Oh, how I am going to miss these people.

When no one can eat any more, dinner ends. In the kitchen, I record a video of Álvaro and Choches dancing like idiots to James Brown’s “I Feel Good.” I then show said video to everyone on the porch. As if that wasn’t embarrassment enough, Álvaro and Choches don dresses and heels and wear them outside. Marta says those are actually shirts, not dresses. Álvaro looks like a Saint Bernard in a sweater designed for a poodle.

“What bet did they lose?” I ask.

Marta smiles at me. “Bet? There was no bet.”

The girls’ cousin and friends leave, and “the usual suspects” prepare for one of our customary poker games. Taking me aside, Álvaro puts his hand on my shoulder and asks me,  “¿Estás agusto?”

He wants to know if I’m comfortable. If I’m having a good time. If I feel at home.

All I can do is hold my arms out and smile. “Dude,” I tell him (but, you know, in Spanish), “this right here — human beings getting together, having a good time, enjoying each other’s company — this, to me, is the peak of civilization. This is what life’s all about.”

He grins and gives me one of his huge bear hugs. He and I both know that these moments are growing scarce, for me at least. In less than a month, I leave Spain. Less than a month left with mi familia española. I’ve been with them for two years now — two incredible years — and this summer, it comes to an end.

I remember when, a couple weeks ago, I told Álvaro I was leaving, and a storm cloud passed over his always-sunny face. “Seeing you all the time,” he said to me then, “I forget that this isn’t your country, and you’re not here forever. I forget that this isn’t your home.”

Sometimes, I do, too. It’s something I’m trying not to think too much about — my departure will get here when it gets here, and in the meantime, there are wonderful moments to relish. As Robert J. Hastings once wrote: “Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.”

I walk out into the yard. Natural beauty as far as I can see, interrupted only by the tops of the Telefonica satellites in the distance. Out here, the stars hurt your eyes. The Big Dipper hangs lower and brighter in the sky than I’ve ever seen it. Taking a deep breath, I smell the fresh air and listen to the leaves rustling in the wind.

“Samu,” they call to me from inside, “poker!”

I head in, and they’re all seated at the table. Conversation, laughter and smiles.

“Os quiero,” I tell them.

“I love you guys.”

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Amigos para siempre

(English version here)

Paramos delante de una puerta metálica que guarda héctares de dehesa española. Al otro lado de la calle de arena, las parabólicas gigantes de Telefonica sirven como los únicos recuerdos de civilización.

<<Esto es,>> Alberto nos dice. <<This is the place.>>

La casa de campo de la familia de Marta y María es algo de otra epoca. Imáginate una finca española del siglo XIX como ves en las películas. Yo no tengo que imaginar — estoy allí. Espalderas de parra y 15 macetas con flores de todos tipos en el patio. La casa tiene paredes de rojo moreno, con pintura de azul del cielo rodeando las ventanas y la puerta principal, que tiene una obra en el estilo andaluz — la Virgen de la Macarena. Tienen una virgen y un santo por casi cualquier cosa en este país, incluso “La Macarena.” Álvaro, el novio de Marta y uno de mis mejores amigos, me dice que necesitaría andar por 30 minutos para cruzar toda la finca. María y su novio, Ismael, están montando caballos. Las vacas van a volver de la dehesa en más o menos una hora. El perro de nuestro amigo David, que se llama Conan, nos grita <<¡Bienvenidos!>> del patio.

Entrando en la casa, choco con una pared de calor. Olvídate de tu parrilla americana moderna: Están quemando leño recién cortado en un horno antiguo. Cantidades grandes de tipos variados de carne cubren las mesas de la cocina. Eugenio, el hombre que cuida y guarda la finca y que parece alguien de una foto de la Gran Depresión, está ayudando a David con el fuego. No van a empezar cocinar hasta que la madera se convierta en ceniza.

Mientras esperamos la cena, saco mis guantes de beisbol y enseño a los españoles un poco del pasatiempo nacional mío. Por cierto, casí es el 4 de julio, que es  nuestro Día de la Independencia. Practicamos las técnicas para lanzar y coger la pelota, y Álvaro las aprende rápido. Nuestro amigo Choches … pues, no tanto. No puedes lanzar un beisbol como una bola de cañon. Tampoco puedes tragar una, aunque Conan el Barbaro Canino está intentando. Literalmente necesitamos un palanqueta para quitar la pelota de su boca. ¡Qué pena que olvidé mi palanqueta en casa hoy!

Después del beisbol, Álvaro me echa mi primera copa de sangría. Casera. Con muchos trozos de fruta verdadera.

<<He añadido ron,>> me dice, que más o menos significa en inglés: <<Be careful.>>

Durante la noche, vamos a vacillar el cuenco de sangría tres veces. Y sólo entonces sacaremos el licór para empezar a beber en serio.

Tras volver de montar caballos, María me enseña la casa. Realmente es muy moderna, pero su madre la ha disfrasado como antigua. María me enseña las planchas, las campanas para las vacas, las calientacamas y las jarras de porcelina del siglo XIX que su madre ha collecionado durante años para crear el efecto. Tambien me enseña las cuadras que pintó su madre, las cuales mostran los toros de la familia. María me dice que los toros hacen mucho más que ser los antagonistas de las corridas de toros — en una finca como ésta, sirven una funcción vital: reproducción. Esto me inspira a preguntar si tocan David Bisbal o Julio Iglesias para poner los toros cachondos.

El sol atardece, y la prima de Marta y María llega con sus amigos. David declara que el fuego está listo, y la barbacoa comienza. Él y Álvaro nos echa de la cocina, y vamos al patio atrás que tiene una vista perfecta de la dehesa. María me cuenta que la madera que utilizaron para construir el techo viene de un palacio de Toledo. Le digo que la madera que utilizaron para construir mi casa en Nueva Jersey probablemente viene de Ikea. Cerramos las cortinas para parar el viento, y todo el mundo coge bebidas y asientos. Conversación, risas y sonrizas.

Pronto, el primer plato sale. Chorizo y pancetta, que es como el beicon, pero con más grasa, si puedes imaginarlo. Desde luego que no es algo muy Kosher … pero ¡jo, qué sabor! Enseguida salen hamburguesas, salchichas y otro corte de cerdo que nunca he probado, alitas de pollo, tortilla con chorizo, y una lasagna española. Tambien pan artesano y las mejores aceitunas que puedes encontrar. Todo el mundo ignora la pobre ensalada.

Más conversación, risas y sonrizas. Los españoles han creado una arte de hablar con sinceridad y interés sobre cosas no importantes — lo juro. No es lo que les dicen que importa, sino lo que sienten. Nadie se atreve sacar su movíl. ¿Quién necesita Facebook cuando hay sangría? Hablamos sobre todo y nada, que en realidad son lo mismo, cuando lo piensas. Yo soy el único extranjero aquí, pero me tratan como familia, burlandome sin clemencia por mis errores de pronunciación.

Cuando nadie puede comer más, la cena termina. En la cocina, grabo un vídeo de Álvaro y Choches bailando como idiotas a <<I Feel Good>> por James Brown. Enseño dicho vídeo a todo el mundo en el patio. Parece que eso no ha sido verguenza bastante, porque Álvaro y Choches se visten en vestidos y tacónes y estrenan sus nuevos estilos afuera. Marta les informa que esas son camisas, no vestidos. Choches parece Luisma en Aida cuando se pone la ropa de Paz. Álvaro parece un perro San Bernardo en un jersey diseñado por un caniche.

<<¿Qué han apostado?>> pregunto.

Marta sonrie. <<¿Apuesta? ¿Qué apuesta?>>

¡Cómo voy a echar de menos esta gente!

La prima de Marta y María y sus amigos salen, y preparamos para uno de nuestros partidos costumarios de poker. Álvaro me saca a un lado y pone su mano en mi ombro. <<Samu,>> me dice, <<¿estás agusto?>>

Quiere saber si estoy cómodo. Si estoy pasandolo bien. Si me encuentro como en casa.

Solamente puedo levantar mis brazos, sonriendo. <<Tio,>> le digo, <<ésta es la vida. La gente reuniendo, pasando el tiempo juntos, disfrutando de la companía de otros ser humanos — esto, para mí, es lo mejor de la civilización.>>

Álvaro sonrie y me da uno de sus abrazos de oso. Ambos nosotros hemos dado cuenta que no nos quedan muchos de estos momentos. En menos que un mes, salgo de España. Menos que un mes con mi familia española. He estado con ellos durante dos años — dos años increíbles — y este verano, se acabará.

Me acuerdo de cuando, unas semanas pasadas, dije a Álvaro que me iba a ir, y una nube oscura pasó sobre su cara que normalmente refleja el sol. <<Porque estoy acostumbrado a verte tanto,>> me dijo, <<olvido que esto no es tu país, y no estás aquí para siempre. Olvido que esto no es tu casa.>>

A veces, olvido tambien. Es algo que estoy intentando evitar de mi mente para ahora; mi salida llegará en su propio momento, y entre medias, hay cosas maravillosas para disfrutar. Como escribió Robert J. Hastings: <<Tenemo que vivir la vida mientras hacemos nuestro camino. La estación vendrá bastante pronto.>>

Marta llama a Álvaro, y salgo fuera del patio. Veo la belleza natural en todas direcciónes, interrumpida solamente por los satelitos Telefonica en la distancia. Aquí, las estrellas brillan tanto que hacen daño a tus ojos. La Ursa Mayor parece lista para servir una ración grande de sopa casera. Respirando profunadamente, huelo el aire del campo y escucho al sonido del viento sobre las ojas.

<<Samu,>> me llaman, <<¡poker!>>

Entro en el patio, y todos están sentados en la mesa. Conversación, risas y sonrizas.

<<I love you guys,>> les digo.

<<Os quiero.>>

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Friday in Retiro – a very short story

They were sitting in Retiro Park. The stone wall they were on curved around a palatial courtyard full of pristine sand walkways, stone mounts for stone sculptures, person-height evergreen shrubs, the trees he said he loved with the long, low, pine branches that draped over you like thatched roofs, and the trees she said she loved because they looked like broccoli. He’d never heard of those trees before, but upon seeing them, he loved them as well. They really did look like broccoli.

Behind the courtyard and the pathways and the trees was the classic Madrid skyline, with those beautiful old charming buildings that matched the beautiful old charming Madrileño couples taking their Friday strolls. To the right of our two foreigners on the wall, a tan man kneeled behind a makeshift metal drum, playing it with the soft hammers of his palms. In front of him, a group of young men sat around a friend of theirs, who twirled a type of yo-yo device between two sticks. A master of his craft, just like the drummer man who she said she usually saw in other parts of the park, but was glad he was there today. They had sat near the music man, and the yo-yo boy, and he had looked at the courtyard and the fading light and listened to the music and the chatter of the birds.

“Tell me a story,” she said. “You’re a writer. You should be able to tell me a story.”

He held his hands out in front of him, over the edge of the wall, as if to hold up the whole courtyard for her.

This is the story.”

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad morning

One of my favorite children’s books, which I’ve used in my classes here in Spain, is called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Written by Judith Viorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz, it relates the story of Alexander, who stars out by telling us: “I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

What Alexander says he wants to do, throughout the day, is move to Australia and escape his problems. What he learns at the end of the tale, though, is that “Some days are like that. Even in Australia.”

And some mornings are like that. Even in España.

When I arrived at my second period class, which is English with the first graders, the teacher with whom I work said she needed me to help her with something. She said that the teacher-in-training who has been sitting in on our classes would teach the children today, and that she (the teacher) had to grade papers. She wanted me to paint the cork bulletin board in the hallway. She asked me if I was mad at her for asking me, and I said, “No,” because I wasn’t.

She got me paint and rollers. I said I wanted a smock to not ruin my clothing, so she found me one and took a picture on her phone because it is big and green and flowery and not-so-masculine. I started painting and realized that I was going to stain the metal frame which houses the bulletin board, so I told her I needed tape. And I complained about staining my shoes. She got me tape and wrapped trash bags around my shoes.

Then, with the others in class, I set about taping the frame, then painting the border with a detail brush, then rolling the paint on. It was one of my favorite colors: Booger Green. Soon after starting, it dawned on me that there was not enough Booger Green paint in the can to adequately do the job. This bulletin board needed two solid coats of paint to look good, and we had enough paint for three-quarters of a coat.

As I am not the type of person who likes doing something poorly, this frustrated me. That, plus the monotonous painting – up, down, up, down, pushing as hard as possible to eek all the paint I could out of each stroke until my wrist ached – plus the happy sounds coming from inside the classroom, and soon enough I was not a happy camper. Then, toward the end of the period, students entered the hallway and started making fun of me in my big, green, flowery apron, and then the teachers followed suit – everyone telling me how pretty I was, “Hola chica,” etc. Then one student asked me why I was painting, and not the normal teacher.

And that did it.

When she walked out of the class, I gave her the type of dirty look that I rarely give people, the kind that expresses strong displeasure. She asked me what was wrong, and I handed her the paints and said, matter-of-factly, “Estoy aquí para enseñar inglés.”

“I am here to teach English.”

Then I walked off. I tried washing my hands in the bathroom sink, but once I’d covered them in soap, I discovered that the faucets weren’t working. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad morning.

Wiping my hands off with a paper towel, I went to look for the teacher. By that time, I had re-thought what I’d said and knew that it wasn’t my best moment.

Naturally, she did not want to see or talk to me. I followed her into class and said I wanted to discuss it, so I followed her out of class. She went to the girl’s bathroom with the tray of paint that I’d left her with, and as she scrubbed and scratched it and I twiddled my soapy, painty fingers, I tried to explain myself to her in Spanglish.

Then she ripped me a new one. She let me have it. However you want to say it. She told me I was being childish, and that many times she lets me take it easy in class, and that the one time she asked me to do her a favor, I complained and got all high-and-mighty and said, “I am here to teach English.”

I responded by describing how silly the kids and other teachers had made me feel.”I felt like a fool. I felt like an idiot.”

She told me I was being pretentious and elitist and, in so many words, acting as if I was above doing the work of a teacher that goes on outside the classroom.

Of course, she was right. About everything. I had let myself get frustated about a number of things that weren’t her doing, and I was taking it out on her. She had asked me to do her one favor, and nothing too difficult, and I’d decided to rant and rave against it as if she had deliberately given me the task to ruin my day.

I felt ashamed of what I’d said, and I didn’t want to enter the school cafeteria with all the teachers for fear of them knowing what I’d said, or having to once again confront the teacher, who I consider to be one of my best friends in the school.

She wasn’t there, and she hadn’t told anyone what I’d said (or at least no one hated me), but the other American working at the school was there. He handed me a paper I’d written. It was intended for an online medical journal of sorts, and I asked him to critique it before I submitted it.

He handed it back to me. And he had ripped me a new one. Let me have it. However you want to call it. He basically pointed out a number of areas where my points were completely unsubstantiated by details or facts, and others where I made sweeping generalizations about things I maybe knew something about but was not representing well. At the end, he listed web sites where I could go to learn more about my topic.

For the second time in an hour, I’d been shown, in no fluffy terms, the error of my ways. Looking at the paper, I knew: It was crap. Comeplete and utter crap. It was the kind of thing I might’ve turned in to my high school teacher the morning after prom.

This is not easy stuff to take. The human mind is a stubborn entity, and my natural reaction this morning was to make myself angrier and angrier and reject the criticism that was sent my way. But innately I knew that they were right, and I was wrong. I knew that it was up to me to rectify things. I had to recognize how I was acting, in the first instance, and how bad my writing was, in the second. I had to own up to the day’s situations and let go of my anger.

With a clear head, I will fix the paper. If I submit anything to that medical journal, it will be a completely re-written document.

More importantly, with all the humility I can muster, I will apologize to my friend. Hopefully she will understand that what she asked of me was more than reasonable, and that on most days I would’ve done it with a smile. Hopefully she’ll understand that it wasn’t her, that I’m sorry, and that it was just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad morning.

And that some mornings are like that. Even in España.

—— Post-script (day after): She understood. ——

 

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Ridiculously Small

In one of my friend Maria Jose’s Facebook pictures, she’s standing on top of some mountaintop. The photographer is ostensibly positioned on a similar peak nearby, creating an extra-wide camera shot: Green mountains down to her left, and a vibrant, blue-green sea down to her right. Behind her, the sea blends upward into layers of mist, clouds and sky.

And there, in the middle of the picture, is Maria Jose (aka MariaJo), her arms outstretched. It’s a very cool picture (perhaps she’ll let me post it).

What put my brain into action was that MariaJo occupies about one percent of the picture. She’s there, in the middle of it, a tiny mass of bones, flesh, hair, eye shadow and Abercombrie & Fitch. The natural wonder around her dwarfs her by comparison.

How small we are, we humans, in the scheme of things! How infinitesimally small!

How much of our lives do we spend in the opaque bubbles of own heads, filled with thoughts and emotions and experiences and memories — all of them focusing on, or in some way related to, one single person? One teeny, tiny person?

Why do we build these things up to be important, when in fact they have relatively no bearing on the state of the Universe? Why, afraid our smallness, do we try to make ourselves bigger than we are?

Maybe we haven’t learned, as a species, to appreciate the fact that we are such a minuscule part of things. Perhaps we have a type of Napoleonic complex that causes us to super-size the circumstances and events of our lives into issues of grand importance.

One thing’s for sure: It’s not worth worrying to much about. The world won’t end because of it. Really.

It’s no big deal.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Comings and goings

Thursday night, at my friend Luda’s Madrid apartment, a group of study abroad students bid each other their end-of-semester farewells. How touching it was to witness human actions subtly intimating the feelings behind them!

And it got me to thinking: One of the strange things about living abroad like this is that you spend months forming close relationships with people, and inevitably everyone heads off in different directions. Life, in general, seems like that to me — “Llegadas y salidas, así son nuestras vidas,” is my attempt at a witty Spanish quotation. It means, more or less, “Arrivals and departures, like this are our lives.” We’re always coming and going. Sometimes we pause for a few, jogging in place, but never for long. You can live your whole life in the same spot, but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop moving. Objects in motion stay in motion, and we’re all objects in motion.

Living abroad exposes you to this concept, this ebb and flow of life and relationships. To have people in your life — for a minute, for a year, until death do you part, whatever — is such a human thing. There’s no need for us to travel, and make friends, and swap stories and cultures and languages and ideas. There’s nothing necessary about it; our lives would go on even if we lived them with our families from birth to death without ever leaving our yards.

But we humans don’t work that way, at least not the vast majority of us. We live to have people in our lives. To meet a person — to know a person — can be among the most powerful of human experiences.

As my study abroad friends said their goodbyes Thursday night, there wasn’t much direct talk about the future, merely a few muttered mentions of “If you’re ever in California …” and “Have a great time in Belgium!” and “We’ll see each other on the flight home, right?”

What went unsaid, though — that was the good stuff. Bear hugs that would’ve done a grizzly proud. Eyes dry and red and fighting so hard not to spring a leak and send everyone in the room into hysterics. Luda telling our friend Evelyn, “I know this must be emotional for you,” with the plain truth scrawled across his face like the tagline on a highway billboard: This was emotional for him. A few minutes later, his back slumped against the wall, Luda came clean: “I don’t like goodbyes.”

Another departure had arrived, another going that would soon be followed by another coming. “God,” Luda said, “tomorrow night I’m gonna’ be eating dinner wit my parents, talking about the future and shit.” (Pardon his French — he’s Belgian.)

His words put me aboard a train of thought: On Monday, I’ll be eating dinner with my parents and sister — over an ocean, across six time zones, and in the other half of the Spanish-English dictionary. I’ve said my fair share of goodbyes this week as well. “If you’re ever in Toronto …” and “Have a great time in London!” and “We’ll see each other in September, right?”

If you wish, you can call it sad, but really it’s just part of how this life thing works. If it stirs our emotions to part ways with people, that means that those relationships were special, that the times shared are worth remembering. We came, and here we are going again, and we’re all better for it. Llegadas y salidas, así son nuestras vidas.

And that’s just the way it should be.

Contact Sam Rosenthal at samrose24@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter, @BackwardsWalker

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Why this life thing ain’t easy

There’s a Modest Mouse line that always catches me. In the song “Bury Me With It,” on their album Good News for People Who Love Bad News, lead singer Isaac Brock borderline screeches, “Life handed us a paycheck, we said, ‘We worked harder than this!'”

And life really does feel that way sometimes, as if it’s paying us minimum wage while we’re working eight-day weeks. But why is it so difficult?

Here are some thoughts:

  • Life is hard because it’s not fair, because I said so, and because you have to finish your veggies before you can have dessert.
  • Life is hard because Darwin was right about that whole survival of the fittest thing.
  • Life is hard because it’s so very long. And because it’s so very short.
  • Life is hard because we only get one shot — or do we?
  • Life is hard because “The Boss” is always out of the office.
  • Life is hard because The Universe runs on a schedule … and it’s not our schedule.
  • Life is hard because drugs have side effects.
  • Because women are crazy. And because men are crazy.
  • Because nobody gets out alive.
  • Because we perceive it that way.
  • Because dying is the easiest thing to do and the hardest thing to understand.
  • Because every moment brings something new into the world, whether you’re ready for it or not.
  • Because humans have yet to invent wedgie-proof underwear, self-folding laundry, and the robotic baby-sitter. (The Jetsons really had it made.)
  • Life is hard because, as Billy Joel once wrote, “You can’t stop the falling of the rain.”
  • Life is hard because we’re told all about Happily Ever After, and then we come to realize why they’re called Fairy Tales.
  • Life is hard because it’s not like the movies.
  • Because sometimes it is like the movies — the ones that put you to sleep or make you throw up your $10 bag of popcorn.
  • Because the amount of things to do always exceeds the time in which to do them.
  • Because we are human. Because we were born with the ability to think rationally, and because with that ability comes the paradox that rational thought is often the most irrational part of our being.
  • Life is hard because there’s no Official Handbook, no Owner’s Manual, no Troubleshooting Guide to get us through it. Ok, really there are 10,000 Official Handbooks, and they all say something different.
  • Life is hard because you can’t hurry love — no! You just have to wait. And because you can’t get that song out of your head now. (You’re welcome.)
  • Because it’s like that Alanis Morrissette song, “Ironic,” which ironically has less irony than it should.
  • Because you only run out of toilet paper when you need it the most. (Now that’s ironic … don’t ya think?)
  • Life is hard because you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. And because knowing that, you’ll still try for both.
  • Life is hard because you can go where you’ve been, but you can’t be where you were.
  • Life is hard because you will care deeply about something, and the whole world won’t give a damn. And because the whole world will value things that to you seem insignificant. And because, in both cases, you’ll feel like the whole world’s winning.
  • Life is hard because we want to know what we’re doing here, and we can’t even figure out what we’re doing for dinner.
  • Because life starts from Somewhere, ends Somewhere else, and goes Somewhere in between … but trying to find Somewhere will get you Nowhere.
  • Because, as Robert J. Hastings once wrote, “we are driven mad by regret over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow … twin thieves who would rob us of today.”
  • Life is hard because it’s easy for us to conceptualize ideals and (almost) impossible to live up to them.
  • Because sex sells … but it’s usually worth less than you paid for it.
  • Because no matter how many times you’re told the world doesn’t revolve around you, this little voice inside your head whines, “By golly, it should!”
  • Because sometimes there’s nobody there for you, and because other times all you want is to be alone.
  • Because the opposite sex is usually on the opposite page, and because the same sex isn’t for everyone.
  • Because we are different from each other.
  • Because we’re all the same.
  • Life is hard because, as the Beatles sang, “We all want to change the world,” the problem being that “We’d all love to see the plan.”
  • Life is hard because people say you have to wear clothes.
  • Life is hard because love is a game at which many people cheat.
  • Life is hard because someone has to win and someone has to lose … unless there’s a tie. (But who wants a tie?)
  • Because most of us can’t sing a solid note unless we’re in the shower.
  • Because God may have rested on the seventh day, but our responsibilities don’t.
  • Because the things in life which matter most are often the easiest to take for granted.
  • Because the things which matter least are often the ones we most desire.
  • Because sometimes you find yourself in a room full of silent people, and you can’t hold your fart in any longer.

But you know what really makes life hard? You know the most difficult thing about it?

It’s so damn beautiful.

It truly is. Painfully beautiful, like a Dali painting. Incomprehensible and magical and real and surreal. As tough as it can be — and my God, can it be tough — there’s some intangible thing that always keeps us coming back for more. The most difficult thing about life is that we can never get enough of it. Maybe that’s not true for everyone, but it is for me and for assuredly countless others.

Life’s not hard because of the challenges we face, the bills we have to pay, or the myriad things that bother us on a daily basis.

Life is hard because we’re dying to live.

Contact Sam Rosenthal at samrose24@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter: @BackwardsWalker

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

A Teaching Adventure

Today was my second day back at school after Winter Break. It was also the second day in a row — and thus, the second day all year — in which the teacher who I normally assist missed school because of an illness.

Entonces (Therefore), I more or less taught the class yesterday, which basically amounted to a highwire act of inventing games and finding ways to pass the time speaking English with my third graders, who in general behave well. The teacher I normally work with, Cristina, did not leave instructions for what we should do, as she has been sick since classes resumed. But yesterday was fine, as I taught and led them in games while other Spanish-speaking teachers observed the proceedings.

Today, too, started out smoothly. My friend Juanjo (pronounced Juan-HO), our gym teacher, was the substitute helping me with the third grade English classes the first two periods. He’s learning English, and it was fun watching him work without using his Spanish. We put the kids to work in their English activity books, and no pasa nada — everything was fine.

But third period, Juanjo had a gym class to teach, and I showed up to teach the third grade science class (which is always done in English). It immediately became apparent, to the kids and to Yours Truly, that I was alone.

Now, the children are used to me being the so-called “Good Cop,” while Cristina normally lays down the law. In the past, I’ve noticed how they devolve into miscreants when she leaves me alone in the room for a few minutes, as they know it’s not my nature to severely discipline them.

So with me all by my lonesome, pandemonium ensued. They were talking, refusing to sit down, and causing each other to cry. They’re not usually allowed to go to the bathroom, but I foolishly let one do so. Then they all wanted to go to the bathroom, and I had to say no … even to the always-sweet Adriana.

I got them to settle down by writing “Extra Work” on the blackboard, and writing “Everyone” underneath. (They fear Extra Work like the chicken pox and cooties.) Then I started reading a book to them but had to stop five times and send two of them to “Time Out.” One of them, Alberto, insisted on misbehaving even while sequestered in the corner, so I actually told him to bring me his personal planner and wrote a note — in Spanish — for his parents to sign. While I tried to teach them about vertebrates and invertebrates, it was necessary for me to show them that I was not spineless.

Then, two things happened. First, I explained how a tail formed the bottom part of the spinal column, and that humans basically had tiny tails at the end of their backbones … and a child named Daniel said something in Spanish that another student, Marley, translated for me: “Danny says that human tails are in the front,” he said, rubbing his crotch. (Mind you, these are eight-and-nine-year-olds.)

While I was trying not to laugh at Danny’s inappropriate but humorous comment, Adriana stood up and rushed over to me. Remember how I had told her she couldn’t go to the bathroom because everyone else was asking me? Well, she came right up to me and said, “Voy a vomitar.” Translation: “I’m going to puke. Like, now.”

She didn’t need to tell me twice. “Ok, go!” I said, pushing her toward the door, grabbing a trash can and chasing after her. She beat me to the bathroom sink and started vomiting, and I turned the water on and held her hair back. (Hadn’t done that move since college.)

Meanwhile, I could hear my class’s screams echoing down the hallway. As soon as Adriana’s stomach storm abated for a second, I told her to wait there and took off down the hall toward the main office. My friend Vanesa is the school secretary, and she’s great with children who get sick or hurt during the day. “Vanesa … ayudame!” (“For the love of God, HELP!”)

There are some truly good people in my school, and Vanesa’s one of them. She dropped everything she was doing at a moment’s notice and ran with me, getting filled in on the situation en route to Adriana. That base covered, I hurried back to class and restored order.

Right when they all stopped playing 20,000 questions about what was wrong with Adriana, she came back in the room to get her stuff, disturbing the peace once again. Then she left, and — for the first but probably not the last time — I lectured them in Spanish. Then I assigned them two pages of science homework. They got the message … I hope.

Later, I related the tale to Juanjo. We spoke in Spanish. “For the first time, I needed to play, ‘Bad Cop.'” I said, sitting down next to him, exhausted. “This job is not easy.”

He laughed and shook his head. “No it’s not. You need a lot of energy,” he said.

“And patience.”

“Yes, and patience. People do not realize this,” he said. “But a teacher is a parent, a doctor, a psychologist —”

“— a policeman —”

“— a policeman, yes. People do not know how difficult it is.”

His words couldn’t be more true. I had no idea, before coming to work here, what teaching children entailed. Before today, even, I don’t think I had a full grasp on it.

Sometimes, you’re the good cop, and sometimes the bad cop. Sometimes you’re the doctor and sometimes the patient. Sometimes the friend, sometimes the enemy. Sometimes the shrink, and sometimes the guy on the couch. Sometimes — as I was in gym class today — you’re the forward, the defenseman, and the goalkeeper all at once. Most times you’re the teacher, but sometimes you’re the student as well.

But always — always — you are counted on by people who stand no taller than your hipbone. It is far from easy.

And I don’t want to even begin to imagine what it’s like being a parent.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

On The Funeral of DeForrest “Woody” Choha

On Saturday, on the way to a wedding, I attended my Uncle Woody’s funeral service.

I say, “on the way to a wedding,” because that’s the truth. I had taken the weekend and Monday off from work, as I explained to my boss, “for a wedding and Passover.”

“I thought it was just Passover,” he said.

“No, it was always supposed to be the wedding and then Passover … and then the funeral just kinda popped up, as they tend to do.”

“Yeah,” he said. “They do seem to have a way of doing that, at the worst possible times.”

Yep.

I got the call that Woody died while I was at work, from my Grandma. Coincidence or not, the news of his death came on the same day that I told a joke I hadn’t told in years, and after hearing about Woody, I couldn’t help but think about the joke:

An 80-year-old man is about to marry a 50-year-old woman. Before the wedding, the two of them decide to schedule appointments with their doctors, just to make sure they’re in good health and all that before starting their life together.

So the old man goes to his checkup, and the doctor tells him, “Sir, you seem to be in excellent health.”

“That’s great news, Doc,” the old man says.

The doctor nods. “It is,” he says, “although I do have a couple concerns.”

“Oh?”

“Um, I don’t know quite how to put this, but … there’s a major age difference between you and your bride-to-be, and I know that certain things typically happen on wedding nights, and, well … when people get advanced in age … sexual intercourse can pose a serious health risk.”

“Well, Doc,” the 80-year-old man, about to marry a 50-year-old woman, says, “If she dies … she dies.”

Why did this joke remind me of Woody? Because Woody married my Aunt Sue, and – although I don’t know their exact ages – the discrepancy in years between them mirrored that of the couple described in the joke. Woody came into my aunt’s life after she had spent 50-60 years of life as a bachelorette, and she admitted that she never thought she’d find anyone – until Woody came along. Many years her senior, she said that he “courted” her persistently, and despite her vacillation, he kept on keeping on and eventually won her over. It’s a good thing that he did, because the pair of them shared an inspiring love and companionship for a number of years. It was a great thing to see.

Apparently, Woody died from a sudden onset of leukemia after he had been hospitalized for other reasons which I was not made aware of. It was a surprise not just to me, though, but to my aunt as well, who had expected him to come out of it.

The funeral service was unlike any I’ve ever attended. It followed the Quaker tradition of having friends and relatives share stories and memories of the deceased, which I think is a great idea. The whole thing had a very nice feel to it. I’ve been to more than my fair share of funerals – I won’t say, “too many,” because the longer you live, the more funerals you’ll attend; to know life is to know death – and of the funerals I’ve been to, this was one of the most enjoyable. I don’t mean that it was happy, but it wasn’t nearly as sad as some others, where someone was taken ‘too soon.’ Woody had lived a long, healthy life, had enjoyed the comforts of family and friends, the blessings of love and children, and had died of natural causes at the ripe age of 92. Of course, we felt sad at his passing, but I don’t think anyone felt cheated out of their time with him.

Actually, that’s not true; I felt a little cheated out of my time with him – and I said so. I didn’t expect to speak at the service, but then, neither did most of us. As it turned out, the entire female side of my family approached the podium – first my cousin, then my mom, then my aunt (my uncle whispered in my ear that “She doesn’t want to be outdone by her sister”), then my grandmother, who read an excerpt from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s “A Psalm of Life.” (Definitely worth interrupting this blog post to read.)

A couple other people spoke, followed by an incredibly awkward silence. Nobody got up to speak, and I’m sure everyone thought, “Is no one else gonna go?” I told myself, “Self … if you count to 10, and nobody else goes, get up there and speak. One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi … 10 Mississippi.” I got up and walked nervously toward the podium, having only a vague idea what I’d say once I got there.

“I didn’t know Woody all that well,” I began, “and when Grandma told me he died, my immediate reaction was that I never got to talk to him about his past. You know, I only knew him in the context of his relationship with you,” I said, looking at my aunt … who I looked at almost exclusively during my speech, as I didn’t feel comfortable addressing anyone else at the moment, really.

“And that was really only a portion of his life. I’ve got no idea what he was like as a boy, or a young man, all through – 92 years was it? – 92 years. That’s a long life.” My aunt nodded.

“So part of me is upset that I never got the chance to ask him about all that he did … but I guess the important thing is that he got to do those things, not whether I got to ask him about them.

“One thing I will say about Woody was just the sense I had about him. Woody became part of the family, very naturally. He had such a peace about him – much like your (Aunt Sue’s) father – the two of them really struck me as people who were just happy to be wherever they were, as long as they were with the people they cared about.

“It’s interesting that my Aunt Marilyn, when she spoke, referred to Woody as ‘such a young, old person.’ It’s interesting because, whenever I greeted or said goodbye to Woody, I always found myself saying, ‘Hello, Young Man!’ or ‘Great seeing you, Young Man.’ Me, saying that to him … I guess it was something that I did subconsciously, just because of the way he was.

“I’m very lucky to have examples like Woody in my life,” I concluded. “And I’m very thankful to have known him.”

Other people came up to speak – people who knew Woody far better than I – and I think everyone walked away from there feeling better about his death than when they arrived. As we all prepared to go our separate ways – for my mom, her boyfriend, and I, that meant heading north to the wedding, “Circle of Life” style – I noticed two easels that had been set up with pictures of Woody, whose birth name, I found out, was “DeForrest.”

There were some pictures of him with my aunt, in his later years, some of him with his first wife, some with his kids. Then there were some of him – these were my favorites – wearing his Air Force uniform as a young pilot during World War II. One of them, which my dad called “a classic World War II army shot,” featured him in full costume, his eyes gazing upward, with a giant, carefree smile painting his face. There was even a picture of him as a very young boy, presumably with a sibling and his father, the children sitting on their father’s knees in front of a Depression-era home.

I smiled, for I had gone into the day regretting that I knew hardly anything about Woody’s life, and now … Well, I won’t say that I know more than a little bit, but at least I have some idea. And I’m very thankful for that.

Farewell, Young Man.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather

Harry Kalas Column

Originally published in The Daily Tar Heel, April 17, 2009. Click Here: Remembering The Voice I’ll Miss The Most to see the column in its original format (as it was intended to be read).

 

Monday afternoon, my friend Jeff sent me a text message from his house in our hometown of Voorhees, N.J., a Philadelphia suburb.
“Harry died,” he wrote.
Instantly, I knew who he meant. Jeff didn’t elaborate. Didn’t need to.
Harry Kalas. “The Voice of the Phillies,” Philadelphia’s home team. The voice of NFL Films, located 10 minutes from Voorhees in Cherry Hill.
The voice of our youth.
Listening to anybody broadcasting a Phils game besides Kalas felt like watching a substitute host on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. It wasn’t the same.
Remember, Tar Heel fans, occasionally having to curse the TV set during Billy Packer’s play- by-play instead of enjoying Woody Durham’s? For 38 years, that was any Phillies game without Kalas.
Right now, thousands of Phillies fans feel emptier than AIG’s piggy bank — myself included.
It’s a weird phenomenon. Most of us never met Kalas, yet we all feel that we lost a dear friend.
Think about Jeff ’s text: “Harry died.” As if we spent every day hanging out with the guy. Most likely, thousands of people sent that same text to their close friends and family, and the person receiving the text probably never replied, “Harry who?”
That’s amazing. This man connected with people, through the simple act of announcing baseball games, in a profound way.
What is it that draws us to sports media personalities such as Kalas, or Durham, or Howard Cosell or Vin Scully? Or outside of sports, to people like Walter Cronkite, Edward R. Murrow or Johnny Carson?
We don’t know them, yet we sometimes feel closer to them than our own family members (especially in-laws).
People understood Kalas. Trusted him. Knew his style, his cadence, his “Struck ’im outtt!” and “Outta hereee!” calls like their parents’ “Dinner!” yells.
My singular meeting with Kalas sticks in my mind: Starry-eyed, pimply-faced, teenage me approaching a hometown legend with a red baseball bearing a white “P.” Still got the ball, and the memory.
The last time our paths crossed, though, was Halloween 2009. I know because I left Chapel Hill on Oct. 30 at 11 p.m., caught
the Phillies World Series victory parade at home, then made it back to Franklin Street 24 hours after departure. The last time I saw Harry Kalas, he was perched on a fire truck, beaming, a world champ. That made it worth the trip.
I can still hear his understated voice narrating my daily activities: “Rosenthal rubs his eyes. Top of the seventh hour. Goes into his stretch … leg swing, and he’s up, up, up … That boy is outta beddd!”
But Harry the K was more than a voice. He was 38 years of Phillies history.
Think about it: Kalas told the Phillies’ story, day-in, day-out, to three generations of fans. My dad was there for Kalas’ first Phillies broadcast, on April 10, 1971, when the team opened Veterans Stadium.
When the Phils moved to Citizens Bank Park in 2004, guess who occupied the broadcast booth? (The Phillies have now renamed it “The Harry Kalas Broadcast Booth: ‘That ball’s outta here!’”)
Kalas represented the Phillies as much as, if not more than, the red and white on the players’ uniforms, the “P” on their hats and the stadiums they played in.
Saturday morning at home plate, fans will pay their respects beside Kalas’ casket. Get this: Such an on-field memorial happened only twice before in MLB history — once for revered broad- caster Jack Buck, and once before that for a fellow named George Herman Ruth. Some people called him “The Babe.”
Know what? Buck and Bambino are in damn good company.
My friend Jeff flew back from Jersey to UNC on Wednesday. That entire afternoon, he must have looked at me at least five times, shook his head, and said, “Harry’s gone.” Had to convince himself of the unthinkable.
He said it wouldn’t hit me until I went back home and watched a Phillies broadcast without The Voice of the Phillies.
He was right. It won’t sink in until a Phils broadcast comes on, and some stranger’s face gives me the “Wait — that’s not Mister Rogers” reaction.
That’s when it’ll become real:

Harry died.

Harry’s gone.

And it won’t be the same.

Ever.

Contact Sam Rosenthal at samrose24@gmail.com

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather
twitterrssby feather